Ray lost his job in 2008. He joined the military a year later because no one was hiring middle management and it is what we felt was the direction the Lord would have us take. Getting a job was not happening, he was overqualified for Wal-Mart, Home Depot and especially and fast food places. Despite all his best efforts a job would not happen until 2012 when he came home from Iraq.

As per usual in our life people felt it necessary to enlighten us about our situation. We were told that we weren't praying enough, the right way or for the right thing. They would tell us we needed to fast more, or go to the temple more, or that maybe we were punished for our sins. 

We had a newly called Bishop tell us that he was coming up with an exit strategy and he was going to show us how to get a job because obviously we were not doing it right. He became Bishop after Ray returned from basic training in 2009 and we would still not have a job a year and a half later when Ray would leave for Iraq. (He was the same Bishop I spoke about in another post that told me I was an unfit mother and that my husbands service in the military was selfish.) 

Every time my husband has been gone for the military something has gone wrong. In fact, our marriage is rife with things that 'go wrong'. And throughout our entire marriage people have continued to offer up opinions about why we have seen one trial after another. I believe from the outside looking in, if you have never experienced more than mere inconveniences than you may feel that you are an expert on how to avoid trials. I don't think everyone that felt it necessary to enlighten us had negative intentions but I do know that they were not being led by the spirit. I don't think that we must experience similar trials to understand one another but I do believe that we must be filled by the spirit to understand one another and to see each other through the Lords perfect and compassionate eyes. 

This month while Ray has been gone the only thing to happen was that my front porch light went out. That's it. Every other time someone ends up in the hospital and or the ER getting stitches. Last year my washer and dryer broke along with Ansli nearly cutting her thumb off. 

We haven't changed anything in our lives. Not a thing. 

Well, Ray and I have changed over these 9 years of his being in the military as a result of being stretched and tried, and sometimes things have been harder than I ever thought life or marriage could be or should be. But we have grown together and closer because of all that we have been through. We didn't really change anything in our everyday life. We are not any more or less spiritual, any more or any less better at communication. Our imperfections may have improved - marginally though. Our strengths may have improved some but only as a result of us continuing to put in the same efforts we have found to be key in our progression as a couple and as individuals. 

My point is, this month is a 180 degree tangible difference from every other time he has left to serve and we have not made any 180 degree tangible changes in our life.

Not only have things been peaceful. People have shown up. I have spent years feeling so alone because in the hour I needed a friend there was none to be had. Yes I have reached out at times, but there are times when things seem to be going so terribly wrong that you don't have the strength to reach out. This month I have had on more than one occasion a time when someone has texted or called or reached out to check on us and it was in the very hour we needed it and at times was just a welcomed surprise.

One Saturday I was just feeling meh and a friend reached out to me. That NEVER happens to me when Ray is gone. It has happened to me other times but never when Ray is gone. I mean people have been there when someone has been in the hospital but to have someone call because they just felt like they should was a whole new thing for me. 

I don't think we or I were ever being punished because the Lord does not "punish" people. I don't think "blessings" were being withheld either. I believe that our life has gone exactly how the Lord wanted it to go. I believe there were things we needed to learn together as a couple and separately as individual children of a loving Father in heaven. 

I don't know why the Lord has seen fit to bless me with such a peaceful month. I am grateful for it. I am grateful for everything I have ever experienced in my life because while I have seen some really hard times I have always seen the very hand of the Lord in my life. So if trials and lots of them are what it takes to recognize the Lord's hand then I happy to have been a part of all of it. 

To you who seem to face a never ending stream of trials. To you who feel that just when you get on your feet life knocks you down again and sometimes right on your face in front of everyone. Please know that you are not alone. I don't know why things happen the way they do. I understand that there are days when you feel like your faith has been used up and there is no more and you feel there is no light to be seen. I understand that there are days that the last thing you want to do is pray. I understand that there are days that you just don't want to talk to the Lord because life has just been too much. Will you then borrow on my faith? Will you borrow on my testimony that things will get better? I don't know how and I don't know when but I can bear testimony to you that sun will rise and that you will make it through another day. Relief will come and your burdens will be lifted. I know that we have a Savior Jesus Christ. I know that he in fact does see us. I know that he above anyone else knows intimately the aches of our hearts. I know that he will not leave you. We may experience loneliness and feel alone but I bear testimony to you that we in fact are never alone. Please hang on and find faith in my testimony that the Lord does indeed love you and will be there for you.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)