Did we as parents really not know that children/teenagers who have unlimited access to their phones at night don't get much sleep? Did we really not know that we needed to set screen time limits? Or did we not WANT to know? For years now, decades, there have been articles and studies published about the dangers of television screen time, and children having TV's in their rooms, and watching too much television, so it isn't hard to recognize then that a telephone screen in a child's room would yield the same harmful effects.
It is all well and good that we are realizing the dangers of cell phones in general, but to be honest I believe that parents have intentionally not been aware of some of the specific dangers because of the burden it would place on them.
I am a homeschooling mom and I am told frequently by other moms that they could never homeschool because they don't get along with their children. Or that when spending large amounts of time with their children they begin to butt heads and argue a lot. Or that when doing homework or trying to teach their children, the children do not listen or don't respect them and they just need that intervention by a teacher.
Am I the only one that finds the irony in that?
You cannot be with YOUR children for long lengths of time? Why not? Never mind the topic of homeschooling. You canNOT be alone with YOUR children for long lengths of time because....? You can't teach your child? Your child does not respect you? Why?
This is why children are depressed. The phone is a symptom. And only a symptom. We as parents are the root cause.
I truly don't care if you send your kids to public school. I started homeschooling because my oldest child has Asperger's and it is just something we continue to do because it works for our family. My post is not to promote homeschooling. It is to promote healthy parental interaction with children.
You can give your child a dumb phone, a flip phone or no phone and they will still experience deep bouts a depression and suicidal thoughts if you do not have a healthy relationship with your child. (Being a teenager is one of the hardest things we has humans experience, some depression is normal because of the incredible rush of hormones running through their bodies, along with the new growth and awareness happening in some parts of the brain compounded by their newly developing sense of autonomy with immature parts in other areas of the brain. It's complicated and stressful for them so sadness is normal. All the more reason they need us more than they ever will.)
Our children don't just need limits on screen time, they need limits on EVERYTHING. They need limits with friends, limits in what television or Netflix shows they watch, they need limits on food and recreational activities. They need limits on behaviors, how they respond to us, and how and when they communicate with others.
My son, who will be 13 the first week of June, recently missed 4 rugby practices. His current "job" is to keep the kitchen clean and I have asked that his job be done before he leaves for practice. I can ask that. I am the mom.
He likes to push boundaries. No. He likes to kick the crap out of boundaries just to see if they really stand. The first practice he got all suited up and I took one look at the not cleaned kitchen and told him he would not be going. Of course he flipped out. Of course he threw a fit but it was ultimately his fault and he missed practice.
He would change his ways for a couple of days only to test that boundary at least three more times.
Now we are fine. In fact now he comes to me and says "Mommy just so you know I did get the kitchen cleaned and I did get all the areas you asked."
For now we are in sync. Until a new boundary comes up that he needs to test.
To be parents, it means we must parent. We must make great sacrifices on behalf of our children's emotional needs - great personal sacrifices in our interests and things that feel important to us. Our children's well being, both spiritual and emotional must be the MOST important thing.
It means holding boundaries, firmly despite how hard they kick them. It means figuring out why you can't be with your children for long lengths of time. It means figuring out why they don't respect you. It means figuring out why you hate the summer and hate having your kids home all day everyday. It means figuring out why you get so stressed by them and so stressed when they make messes or when they tell you they are bored. It means figuring out what you need to give up to be more emotionally available to them. It means figuring out your relationship with them.
I did not learn how to be parent from my parents. My mother was physically and severely verbally abusive, and a narcissist. My father was physically abusive, a pedophile and he tried to kill me multiple times. Not the best examples.
I learned how to parent because I read about a bazillion books on parenting. I didn't learn how to parent because I spent 5 years in therapy overcoming my childhood. In therapy, I learned how to have a healthy relationship with myself and how to thrive in life and not be a victim.
Adults spend so much time fine tuning the skills necessary to be employable, fine tuning their workouts so people will like how they look, fine tuning the decorations in their homes so it will look like a catalog but they don't spend that same amount of time learning about how children develop, about their children personally, how they learn and grow and how to raise them. There is too much emphasis put on things of this world and on the body and not enough priority and emphasis put on raising our children intentionally and purposefully to be whole healthy adults. (I get it. We want to be healthy, we want a nice looking home, but these things cannot continue to be our priority or we will continue to see a rise in childhood depression)
I totally get that kids don't come with instruction manuals. I think that is the beauty of it. We get to learn a purposeful and beautiful new set a skills with every single child. We learn more about ourselves. We learn more about what really matters. We learn more about God, because heaven knows we need him every moment of everyday to raise our children.
I understand that a lot people will not like what I have written. I am okay with that. But if you could, for a moment, take some time and ask yourself why does what it is written cause you to feel angry? No one wants to be told that they are failing their children. No one wants to be wrong. But the only way to actually save the children is to talk about what is really going on. And what is really going on is that we are failing as parents, we are not invested enough in their emotional and spiritual well being. I know a lot of parents are invested in the sports aspect of their children's lives, this will not help them develop into healthy emotional adults, it will just make them really great athletes.
We are not bad people. We have just failed in a lot of very crucial areas. And if we cannot be honest with ourselves about where we are failing or where we have failed then we will not improve and our children will continue to suffer.
It is all well and good that we are realizing the dangers of cell phones in general, but to be honest I believe that parents have intentionally not been aware of some of the specific dangers because of the burden it would place on them.
I am a homeschooling mom and I am told frequently by other moms that they could never homeschool because they don't get along with their children. Or that when spending large amounts of time with their children they begin to butt heads and argue a lot. Or that when doing homework or trying to teach their children, the children do not listen or don't respect them and they just need that intervention by a teacher.
Am I the only one that finds the irony in that?
You cannot be with YOUR children for long lengths of time? Why not? Never mind the topic of homeschooling. You canNOT be alone with YOUR children for long lengths of time because....? You can't teach your child? Your child does not respect you? Why?
This is why children are depressed. The phone is a symptom. And only a symptom. We as parents are the root cause.
I truly don't care if you send your kids to public school. I started homeschooling because my oldest child has Asperger's and it is just something we continue to do because it works for our family. My post is not to promote homeschooling. It is to promote healthy parental interaction with children.
You can give your child a dumb phone, a flip phone or no phone and they will still experience deep bouts a depression and suicidal thoughts if you do not have a healthy relationship with your child. (Being a teenager is one of the hardest things we has humans experience, some depression is normal because of the incredible rush of hormones running through their bodies, along with the new growth and awareness happening in some parts of the brain compounded by their newly developing sense of autonomy with immature parts in other areas of the brain. It's complicated and stressful for them so sadness is normal. All the more reason they need us more than they ever will.)
Our children don't just need limits on screen time, they need limits on EVERYTHING. They need limits with friends, limits in what television or Netflix shows they watch, they need limits on food and recreational activities. They need limits on behaviors, how they respond to us, and how and when they communicate with others.
My son, who will be 13 the first week of June, recently missed 4 rugby practices. His current "job" is to keep the kitchen clean and I have asked that his job be done before he leaves for practice. I can ask that. I am the mom.
He likes to push boundaries. No. He likes to kick the crap out of boundaries just to see if they really stand. The first practice he got all suited up and I took one look at the not cleaned kitchen and told him he would not be going. Of course he flipped out. Of course he threw a fit but it was ultimately his fault and he missed practice.
He would change his ways for a couple of days only to test that boundary at least three more times.
Now we are fine. In fact now he comes to me and says "Mommy just so you know I did get the kitchen cleaned and I did get all the areas you asked."
For now we are in sync. Until a new boundary comes up that he needs to test.
To be parents, it means we must parent. We must make great sacrifices on behalf of our children's emotional needs - great personal sacrifices in our interests and things that feel important to us. Our children's well being, both spiritual and emotional must be the MOST important thing.
It means holding boundaries, firmly despite how hard they kick them. It means figuring out why you can't be with your children for long lengths of time. It means figuring out why they don't respect you. It means figuring out why you hate the summer and hate having your kids home all day everyday. It means figuring out why you get so stressed by them and so stressed when they make messes or when they tell you they are bored. It means figuring out what you need to give up to be more emotionally available to them. It means figuring out your relationship with them.
I did not learn how to be parent from my parents. My mother was physically and severely verbally abusive, and a narcissist. My father was physically abusive, a pedophile and he tried to kill me multiple times. Not the best examples.
I learned how to parent because I read about a bazillion books on parenting. I didn't learn how to parent because I spent 5 years in therapy overcoming my childhood. In therapy, I learned how to have a healthy relationship with myself and how to thrive in life and not be a victim.
Adults spend so much time fine tuning the skills necessary to be employable, fine tuning their workouts so people will like how they look, fine tuning the decorations in their homes so it will look like a catalog but they don't spend that same amount of time learning about how children develop, about their children personally, how they learn and grow and how to raise them. There is too much emphasis put on things of this world and on the body and not enough priority and emphasis put on raising our children intentionally and purposefully to be whole healthy adults. (I get it. We want to be healthy, we want a nice looking home, but these things cannot continue to be our priority or we will continue to see a rise in childhood depression)
I totally get that kids don't come with instruction manuals. I think that is the beauty of it. We get to learn a purposeful and beautiful new set a skills with every single child. We learn more about ourselves. We learn more about what really matters. We learn more about God, because heaven knows we need him every moment of everyday to raise our children.
I understand that a lot people will not like what I have written. I am okay with that. But if you could, for a moment, take some time and ask yourself why does what it is written cause you to feel angry? No one wants to be told that they are failing their children. No one wants to be wrong. But the only way to actually save the children is to talk about what is really going on. And what is really going on is that we are failing as parents, we are not invested enough in their emotional and spiritual well being. I know a lot of parents are invested in the sports aspect of their children's lives, this will not help them develop into healthy emotional adults, it will just make them really great athletes.
We are not bad people. We have just failed in a lot of very crucial areas. And if we cannot be honest with ourselves about where we are failing or where we have failed then we will not improve and our children will continue to suffer.
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