My father is a pedophile.

My grandmother is a pedophile.

My grandmother was abused by her father and then she went on to abuse my father who abused me.

I've blocked them on most forms of social media but I think they may have found my blog.

My grandmother messaged my daughter on Facebox and said she heard from a friend that Aspen had graduated from high school and joined the military. The thing is my grandmother doesn't know anyone that knows my daughter. I have over analyzed how she could have found out and the only thing I could think of was my blog. Which is fine. It makes it quite easy to communicate to them as well as everyone else ;)

In the early years of my adult life I felt an obligation to heal my family. I knew I wanted to break a cycle and deep in my brave little heart I believed that if I could love everyone enough I could break all the cycles.

I allowed my father back into my life for a short time because I felt like my forgiveness also meant allowing him in my life. I also allowed my grandmother in my life for a short time as well.

I had not yet learned that forgiveness didn't mean that I had to allow dysfunction into my life.

I was always the one being understanding.

I was always the one trying to see things from their perspective.

They even told me how I was mean to them as a child and how I didn't communicate well and how I made it hard for them to love me.

Again, I re-evaluated myself and made changes and tried to be who they wanted me to be, who I thought I had to be to fix them.

I listened as they shared stories of their horrific childhoods and basically why they ended up abusing their own children and how basically it wasn't their fault because they were raised by awful people.

I am sure you are shaking your head and thinking Andraé why put yourself through that, or maybe you are like I once was and are thinking "oh how sad they went through so much! how kind of you to listen!"

Not my job. My parents were literally the worst and I broke the chain. Find a new excuse.

In 2015 I bought my grandmother's camping trailer. My dad and her drove it from Texas to Utah for us.

It was the weirdest visit by far.

My dad leaned over to me and whispers that his mom is treating him like he is her boyfriend again. At the hotel she wanted him to "cuddle" with her. He complains about how controlling she is and how she always touching him.

Right then I knew I had to be done.

Right then I realized that they both are still disgusting evil people.

My dad wasn't confiding in me for help. He was trying to groom me.

I had experienced it before when I was younger when he abused me.

He would come to me as a 13 year old and talk to me about his struggles with my mother. He would talk about their sex life and he would tell me how grateful he was that he could talk to me.

It was happening again.

BUT this time. I was stronger and I was not afraid and I was prepared and I was ready to fight.

I pulled my kids together and I tell them my dad and my grandma are never to be alone with them.

I tell them they are dangerous.

I talk a lot with my children about dangerous people and that they are often disguised as family members and friends. My kids trust me and they trust themselves, so we made it through those couple of days.

After that I basically stopped communicating with them and eventually blocked them.

The real nail in the coffin came when I was looking through my dad's instagram account and found he followed a lot of pornography and child pornography. And yes despite what many believe, porn is alive and well on the insta.

So my post about me telling them go away is because I want them to go away.